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Welcome to Salsa
and the City! This is a monthly column
by Erin about
Salsa in the Circle City. Salsa has become a lifestyle for some of us:
music, dance, parties, fashion, travel, friends, relationships, and,
did I say dance? For those who are addicted to Salsa, this is a place
where you can read about what's going on in the city, and share your
ideas, comments, and gossip. Erin has been a regular of Indy's Salsa
scene since 1999.
"Player, Player"
by Erin
Lamb
posted March 8, 2006
In my opinion, the Latin club is the place to go to see the most beautiful
and desirable people in Indianapolis. You name your flavor, the Latin
club has it: Black, white, Latino, Asian, and more. Even if you are
not dancing, it is entertaining enough to just have a drink and watch
the beautiful people walk by. This is what I call "window shopping."
In fact, "window shopping" is the only kind of shopping one
should do while in the club unless you are looking for some quick fun.
What I mean is, the odds are against you if you expect to walk out of
the club with a meaningful relationship. The club is a playground and
the boys are there to play. Ladies, enjoy their company while you are
at the club, but take it no further than that. Don't think that you
are going to make them yours. I say this out of experience (I am so
ashamed to admit). And even now, while many a lady is shaking her head
in agreement with me, half of these same ladies will go out and make
the mistake of trying to date a player. The following examples that
I am about to provide are a few of the definite signs that you are dating
a player. Hopefully, this will save some of you the trouble the rest
of us ladies have already been through.
- He talks badly about other women. If the beautiful man you have
just met begins to talk badly about some of the women you see in the
club, he might be a player. Usually he is speaking badly about these
women because he has already slept with them, and now they hate him
because - he's a player. He wants to keep you as far away from them
as possible because they may let you in on his little secret. If he
makes you believe in advance that they are "sluts," or "lying
witches" then you may not be likely to believe their "stories."
- The only place you see him is in the club. If the only date he ever
takes you on is to the club where you met or to his bedroom, he might
be a player. If a man really wanted to get to know you, he would probably
invite you somewhere else besides a loud, smoky nightclub.
- His friends are players. If he hangs out with the same boys all
the time, and his friends are all creepin' from one girl to the next,
chances are he's a player too. He'll play the innocent role and say,
"Oh, I don't understand my friends. They are all crazy."
Yet, you know they wouldn't be friends if they didn't have a lot in
common.
- If it sounds too good to be true, it is too good to be true. If
your lover boy knows all the right things to say, he definitely is
a player. Never trust a man who tells you he loves you within the
first few weeks or months of knowing you. They don't even know anything
about you! He will always try to flatter you because he knows that
flattery may lead to the bedroom where he is going to get some action!
Oh yes! Baby yes!
So ladies, be careful the next time you are
at the club. If the man you are spending time with at the club exhibits
any of these traits, beware. Enjoy his company and his good dancing
at the club, but leave him there. Remember, I'm not asking you to hate
the player, just don't date the player.
Past Columns
Reader's comments
I feel like I am re living an incident that
happened not too long ago. I met a "nice"guy at the club, we
started going out,he was very polite and a perfect gentleman. Then we
agreed to meet at the club on a particular occasion, soon I noticed his
actions at the club was as a "dog in heat" towards other women,
in other words shocking, horrific. I was really put off because we have
been going out for a few weeks,he acted as if he was just really "into"
me, he said he was'nt doing anything wrong and all he was trying to do
was to get away from these "horny" girls, well, one of the girls
was nice enough to ask me if we were dating and I said "yes"
she had shock on her face, she told me he wasn't worth it, and that I
am too pretty to put up with his dissrespect. Well, I could not stand
watching his demeaning behavior any longer, so I left the club, he walked
me out,and begged me not to be angry with him, he called me several times
to forgive him. Later, after I removed myself from the situation I realized,
why should I be dissapointed because afterall I met him at a club, I should
not have let my guard down. But, don't get me wrong, not all guys that
go to the Vault are players, I have some very meaningful plutonic relationships
with guys in my class or those I have met at the club, who I have utmost
respect for, but even in that situation it took time. Also, does this
article sound like crying wolf article on a local level?
- Indy Salsera
That's a load of bull shit ! It's just a
game of numbers, u don't expect to fall in love and know the person right
away. More than 98 percent of the times it is Physical (the big P). Then
as the law of nature goes two consenting adults whos attraction is only
P will do what they are programmed to do. Then latter the guy or the Gal
might realise ,,,yewww! I don't think I could live my life with this creature
! And so they move on. So why blame the guy for been a player? It could
very well be that the so said LADY is a gold digger or shallow or dumb,
with the IQ of a 13 year old teen. Whos only greatest achievement in life
is Shaking her booty and having got the loudest CAT-CALLS in the club.
To get to the person who you would want to spend the rest of your life,
you have to go around dating as many as possible, take time to get to
know them on a deeper level. Look beyond the Physically and Visually appealing.
WHICH TAKES LOT OF INVESTMENT IN TERMS OF TIME, but in the long run will
atleast make you realise and narrow down your requirement and specification.
One of the best ways is to go out on a Trip or vacation with someone.
True colors have said to have emerged during the short time of such an
adventures. And if you decide to jump into bed too early then you made
a decision based on what you really want at that moment. Why blame some
one else ! It's so easy to cry WOLF ! As you sow, so you reap ! hehehehehe
! And I don't think point no 3 applies, because its always opposites attract,
if a guy has friends for players that does not mean that is the factor
that is binding them in Friendship. Friendship is a entirly different
thing based on Trust, Loyalty and the whole bag that comes with it. And
if someone has those features in his or her character I don't think such
a person would be chasing shallow relationships !..... Point 2, again
if he is a player he is not going to take you out to a place which is
his Fishing grounds, he would keep clear of it for fear of influenzing
other potential victims. Single gals are always looking at guys with other
gals and for a player it would be a uphill task to shake off a stigma.
OR may be Ladies are always attracted to Players..... well then you know
who is to be blamed Comprehende?... good subject, but lousy points of
arguement!
- Salsa Player of Mid-West
Girl..., you just hate our guts do you!
you are not leaving anything to be discovered....in other words you may
be true but hey, give us a break, us, guys, have the same necesity as
you, the pretty girls and if we are players is because girls do the same,
or are you going to tell me that the poor girls, full of make up, wearing
a thong, with a delicious clevage that barely cover her pretty nipples,
that every time that walks close to you she devours you with her looks
and "if by mistake" has to pass close to you, she'd be very
sure that you'd feel her hungry body....hey, we are players because we
had been played and used and we had suffered and we like it that way....
Just next time don't share our deepest secrets ;)
- a partner in crime
I agree with some of the points that Salsa
Player of Mid-West is making. Girls: DON'T HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME.
Peace.
- El Salsero Mayor
Erin, I will agree with you on the point
that the Latin club is defintely the place to meet the most desirable
and beautiful people (and i must add classy). i used to hang out at the
'regular' clubs and could never go back to that...no comparison, not even
close........
- Chase
Some players may get upset at you ;)
- Korkut
Hey Erin, Do you mean to say that if a Guy wants
to be a player all he has to do is follow Steps 1 to 4. Thats easier Done
than said ! ;) 1) Trash the other gals sluts," or "lying witches",
2) Take her only to the club we met. 3) Have players as friends. 4) Flatter
and melt her panties. RESULT : LOTS OF BED ROOM ACTION Life becomes so
easy then.
- Anonymous
To all the players out there keep playing or be
PLAYED!!!!!!!!hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- player for life
Ok Erin, now MY take on this. Yes there
are a lot of players in the club that's where most of them hang out at.
However, the player is not the only one that knows what to say and when
to say it, there are some (like me) that simply know how to treat a lady
and know how to talk to them. Not saying that I'm a player but I was taught
well on how to treat a lady. I don't normally date women at the club for
the same reason. They see you (men) flash some money and they become hungry
for it. See, lady players are not considered lady "players"
- we call them GOLD DIGGERS! Same plays as well, "if it sounds too
good to be true, it is too good to be true." I'm not knocking on
women trying to make money, but if you're a GOLD DIGGER - PLEASE GIVE
IT UP SOONER!!!!!!!!! GINO EL CAMPEON" BABY! ps. "I'M NOT A
PLAYER - I JUST CRUSH A LOT"
- Gino El Campeon
Am I alone? Shallow relationships lead to a shallow
existence. I am actually hoping that I meet the right woman someday through
dance. Maybe even at the Vault.
- M
Real men and women don't have to lie or
play games. They're too fabulous to waste their time on something so petty.
Besides, all of that lying is too much work for me. I'd rather just be
up front and avoid the stress.
- Shayne
Go Shayne!! what can be said more!! You
are awesome. By the way, I miss so much seeing you and dancing with you
in salsa clubs. Where have you been my friend?
- Bensu
You people should stop making such a fuzz about
this. The reason most guys go to the Clubs is to have fun and hope to
get lucky for the night or more. (i said MOST, don't want some goody two
shoes crying wolf). And if any women has any sense left in her, she will
never come looking for LOVE and LONG term relationship at the CLUBS. And
it is an wellknown fact that Girls like to be chased, it gives them the
ego boost, the vanity high that makes their hours spent in front of the
mirror, the hours spent at the mall shopping for the SEXYiest dress, the
color match all worth. And the next step is that the girls expect to be
complimented as the most beautiful, even if the guy thinks that she must
be the most Sluty looking piece in the whole of town. If not she immediately
brands him as "he is not a gentleman". And like Gino mentioned,
most guys if not by been raised to say the right things to the girl (been
gentle manly) will soon learn to say what the girl wants to hear. And
the result the girl melts and soon the guy gets labled a player. If as
the girls claim that most of them come there only to dance, would they
take it on themselves to dress non-slutty and more decently? Then comes
"no guy is asking me to dance". Well sure, the guys who are
looking for sluts will not ask the conservative and Lady like girls dance,
cause he knows that she will not serve his purpose.! So what do you ladies
want? someone asking you to dance so that he can on you, because he thinks
you might give him some or someone asking you to dance because he sees
beyond your make-believe 10 inch coat of Cream? Just grow up and stop
bitching when you are really out there looking for some action!
- Anonymous
If we all knew and believed how beautiful
we truly are, we would not need someone else to tell us. We would know
our own beauty. Money, a good job, physical beauty, nice clothes... all
of these are temporary. Inner beauty lasts forever and is always accompanied
by authentic love. Empty values and so-called "players" can
be found everywhere if that's what we choose to see. If you seek illusion,
you will find dis-illusion. Seek truth and you will be happy always. The
only people who are played are the ones who want to be played. It's a
hard pill to swallow, but it's the truth.
- a true lover
Thanks Bensu. I miss you too. I've just been chillin'
at home. The cold weather doesn't encourage me to do anything but sleep.
I'll probably come to the Sunday Social this week.
- Shayne
WOMEN DON'T MAKE SENSE! Have you ever noticed
that women don't seem to make sense AT ALL when it comes to "dating"?
What's up with that? I'm sure you've been in a situation where you really
liked a woman, and you did everything "right"... but for some
reason she just never felt attracted to you... You called her often, took
her to nice places, bought her gifts, and were a complete gentleman (translation,
you didn't try to kiss her, gave her space, etc.)... but nothing seemed
to cause her to like you for more than just a "friend"... And
I'm sure you've been in a situation where a TOTALLY HOT female friend
of yours was dating a complete jerk who was mean and abusive to her...
and all she did was tell you about how badly he treats her (and of course
she talks about the sex too)... all the while you're sitting there and
would do ANYTHING just to have a chance at dating her. Right? What is
going on here? Why is it that when you're overly nice to a woman in the
beginning, it just causes them to be less and less interested? And why
is it that jerky guys who mistreat women seem to get laid like Rock Stars,
even though they are the WORST possible choice for an attractive woman?
Will women ever make sense to the nice guys? What would it take for a
women to like a nice guy? So that the "Nice Guys" don't end
up last.
- Trying to make sense
Don't be discouraged Trying to make sense.
There are plenty of very good women looking for nice guys. Here's a few
things that may be helpful. 1) You can never fail when you be yourself.
You are more likely to attract a compatible companion that way. If a woman
can't accept or appreciate you, then just bow out gracefully like the
gentleman that you are. At least you can take comfort in knowing you weren't
fake. 2) Ask yourself some tough questions. What kind of woman do I really
want? Do I really want a relationship or just some booty? Am I looking
in the right places? Do I really like her, or is it my penis talking?
Am I chasing her just because she is unattainable? Am I just desperate
and afraid of being alone? It's hard to admit, but sometimes we are the
cause of our own failures. 3) After you've figured out what you really
want, examine the women you meet. Pay attention to her behavior, not just
her looks. Does she act like the kind of woman you want? Does her conversation
interest you? Is she trying to get to know you? If you're not satisfied
with who she is as a person, don't take it any further. 4) Stop getting
frustrated with your friends not wanting to be with you. LET IT GO! You
can't force something that isn't there. If you don't want to hear her
gripe about her boyfriend, then calmly tell her. If she is a real friend,
she will understand. There's a lot more that could be said on this subject,
but that's a column for another day. I hope in some small way that I've
helped. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you the best.
- Shayne
Shayne, Thanks. Your words are re-inforcing
to what most of us guys know at the back our minds, but I think probably
its the male ego that screws it up for us. May be after a few more heart
breaks we all will in due course of time going thru the learning process
become more mature and learn valuable lessons and most of all APPRECIATE
the one that is ment to be more.
- Trying to make sense
Mr. M I'm with you. Although I'm not actually
looking for the right guy when I go out, I have not ruled out the possibility
of meeting that special someone at a place like the Vault. At the same
time I will be careful and keep my guard up, because everywhere I go I
seem to meet these so called players.
- Blue
Trying to make sense, don't loose faith.
Yes, it is a fact that good guys usually finish last (I know from experience).
however, good guys tend to become hot-ticket items in the long run. A
great number of ladies love the thrill of the chase and the idea of taming
a player. Few will admit to it but know that is the case. That explain
why so many fall for them on more than one ocassion. After a few emotional
bruises they start longing for (and appreciating) someone who would make
them feel valuable. That's when they start noticing you, and big time.
At that point, take your time, find someone worth treating like you wish
to do. It will be all worth going thru the present frustration and confusion.
In the mean time I suggest you invest your time becoming one of the best
dancer around. Believe, that will accelarate the process a whole lot!
:)
- The good, the bad, and the ugly
INtoSalsa, Indy's premier Salsa guide
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