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Welcome to Salsa
and the City! This is a monthly column
by Erin about
Salsa in the Circle City. Salsa has become a lifestyle for some of us:
music, dance, parties, fashion, travel, friends, relationships, and,
did I say dance? For those who are addicted to Salsa, this is a place
where you can read about what's going on in the city, and share your
ideas, comments, and gossip. Erin has been a regular of Indy's Salsa
scene since 1999.
Dance Floor Divas
by Erin
Lamb
posted February 22, 2006
As I am reminded, almost on a daily basis, I have written several articles
in the past that have criticized men and their etiquette on the dance
floor. Now, after much anticipation, I am going to critique the ladies
and the many crimes they have committed on the dance floor. (I know
I am going to get a lot of hate mail this time around.)
I am going to present three examples of poor dance floor etiquette as
committed by the ladies in the salsa clubs in Indianapolis. These examples
I have witnessed AND have had many men complain to me.
- The pre-dance interviewer. This is the type of girl who - rather
than replying "yes" or "no thank you" to a man
who has just asked her to dance - she instead asks for the man's dance
credentials. She wants to know that he meets her standards before
agreeing to waste 3 or 4 minutes of her precious time. The man has
only asked her to dance one song but she follows up by asking, "So,
can you dance?" or "What style do you dance?" or even,
"How long have you been dancing?" Ladies, if in doubt, a
simple "no thank you" will suffice.
- The club dancer that doesn't like clubs. This type of girl has a
low tolerance for too much alcohol, too many cigarettes, and people
behaving wildly. She likes to dance, but behaves very conservatively
and expects every man to treat her like the Queen of England. She
is disgusted by most of the men in the clubs, and does not try to
hide her disgust. On the other hand though, she is the first one to
bitch when no one asks her to dance.
- The teacher. This girl is also sometimes a pre-dance interviewer.
This is the kind of girl who will agree to dance with a man, but then,
in the middle of the dance, she will stop and begin to teach him the
"proper" way of dancing salsa. She feels doesn't think for
an instance that she may be insulting the man; she considers him a
charity case and is taking pity on his poor uneducated soul. I have
also accused many men of this same crime. Ladies you are not exempt
from this rule.
Finally, I want to wrap this up by saying that
I believe many ladies (me included) have become spoiled at the clubs.
It is not often that there is a shortage of men to ask us to dance.
This leaves us room to be picky. And room to be picky means we sometimes
are cold when dealing with our male counterparts. Remember to have a
heart, ladies!
Past Columns
Reader's comments
Oh Erin, I never hate you my dear. Good
article, good point and I can see myself being a teacher sometimes, I
guess. But, if only man asks me to or happen to be my friend who has just
started taking classes and as we dance I helped him or her with some basic
routines. I need to admit though last year I almost did some teaching
as I danced with this guy. Because, I started feeling very awkward the
way we were dancing and not catching the rhythm. But, then I realized
how I made him feel uncomfortable and stopped immediately and followed
him. Because, after all we are here to dance for fun and he sure was having
a lot and there was no reason for me to spoil that. When I dance with
a man who knows more than I do I really don't mind if they showed and
tought me some moves. I actually liked that as long as they don't get
frustrated when I do wrong, because, most likely I will at first couple
times.
- BK
Wow, Bang on Erin, Case 1 that i had and
experience of: One day I was having a blast of a time, in a very happy
mood, dancing non-stop. Asking all the possible beginner, experts, girls
I know and usually dance with,,,,, and the works. Guess I must have been
dancing in that club every week for about 7 to 8 months and knew almost
all the regulars by name or face. Then in between I saw one of the regular
gals (Diva / Expert) sitting there and no one asking her to dance. Been
in a happy, charged and loving mood, I took it upon myself to do the gentle-manly
thing of asking her to dance, the conversation went this way. Me with
my sweetest smile: "Will you please dance with me?" She looks
up with an expression which I thought must be the result of sitting in
a salsa club and and not been asked to dance for a long time and says
: "DO YOU KNOW TO DANCE SALSA ?" Me : " WELL I CAN TRY
!" She : " Ahh , no !" and turns aways !!!!! wooooo how
bitchy can some one get. I have seen her lot many times after that incident,
but even if she is the last women on planet earth and I have the hungry
urge to dance SALSA, I don't think I would ask her to dance.! And latter
I think even my best buddy chad told me that she was been snobbish to
him too..... That to me ruled out the possibility that there was something
that I must have done wrong. Cheers and hope u all have had a great party
in chicago.
- Vino
Very good article. I have come across "the
teacher" type of girl a long time ago... she stopped dancing in the
middle of a song to show me the "proper" way to do a move. Can
you believe this?? ... this may be acceptable in the studio but not in
the club. Maybe next time you can write a second part to this article
describing a couple more of those "crimes" the ladies commit
at the club. Thanks.
- Salsero Mayor
Well I can tell you after being out at the
clubs for over a year, I've had guys ask me to show them the basics here
and there. I've also been on the other end in cities where I knew no one
at all and they danced on 2. Giving "pointers" should only happen
when they are requested. While I do show them a step or two to get them
hooked, I usually point them to a studio for professional instruction.
Of course I want every one to have a good time and dance. I dance with
anyone who is respectful to the ladies-experience on the dance floor or
not.
- Jennifer
I will comment from a woman's point of view. I
agree with the critique of the "Diva" (we will keep it nice)attitude.
I have witnessed some of my girlfriends being very rude to men since I
started going out (even before I joined the Salsa scene). I don't understand
why some ladies feel the need to be so nasty when saying no. Then they
wonder why they get cussed out or treated poorly in return. Anytime a
man (no matter what he looks like or how he dances)asks me to dance or
gives me a compliment, I try to smile and be polite even when turning
him down. I still thank him for asking. Most times that I turn a man down
it's because I'm unsure of my own dancing and may not feel that I can
hang with his skill level. Sometimes I try to tell them that I'm not advanced
and "please take it easy on me" but most times they will still
try to execute every complicated pattern they know, regardless of how
stupid it makes me look. In short: ladies, remember it's a compliment
anytime a man asks you to dance so appreciate that and learn how to say
no in a sweet way / Men: don't always take it personally if a woman says
no - sometimes she's tired or maybe even a bit intimidated by your skill.
Let's try to understand each other and be considerate.
- Diva, NOT!
Let me at least confirm - Salsa may be the dance
of the Latin culture but if the Ladies want to feel like Her Royal Majesty
" The " Queen of England then you can be assured that an English
Salsero will always be there for you. They appologise all the time , they
escort you from the floor , they love you to teach them , they appreciate
all females , any style you choose is good for them and anytime you wish
we promise to cut back on the Jack . God Save the Queens !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- MuchoMacho Magnifico
Hot Damn! Okay, for the record, I've been
accused of 2 out of the 3 etiquette no-no's: requesting credentials and
teaching in mid-dance. Hahahaha! I think all of the ladies can agree.
You know we've all done it at one time or another. Like when you recognize
the guy who just put two bruises on your girlfriend's foot from bad salsa
manuevers, it's reflexive to ask "are you sure you dance salsa?"
when he approaches you. Heh-heh. Not like we don't already know the answer,
we just hope he does. :-) As for teaching during a dance, that too is
almost reflexive. Some guys are afraid to do more than the basics for
fear they may execute improperly. It's either teach or start hijacking
moves. :-D At least he's kept in the loop if we teach him. It's usually
those brave newbies that become impromptu students. All excited to learn,
and no one with whom to practice. The nice thing about teaching on the
fly is that shy guys actually pick up on something easy that looked impossible.
But a smart salsera knows to help with only "ONE" move...that's
it. Anymore than that and you will be known instantly as the club's "free
teacher". Kiss goodbye your chances of ever being led again. The
bad thing about teaching? Not knowing when to stop. (sigh) Like leading,
it's hard to turn off. How I've learned to temperate it: If he's not doing
enough dips and turns, save his dance invitation for a more relaxed song.
- MoJo Runnin
hey everything you said in this column it
was damn right i remember you wrote about man in the past belive me ladies
are worst than us and i remember you wrote about why the salsa scene in
indianapolisis not like chicago ,los angeles ,miami it;s because people
that know how to dance think they know everything especially ladies. men
we;re ok. and instead of dancing with you and teach you they just want
to show up.
- papacito
"are you sure you dance salsa?" What
a load of crap. Would any guy who is not into salsa have it in him to
ask a girl to dance if he is not sure, well may be if he is looking for
an opportunity to grind her!
- Anonymous
No harm so far for being Latino...? Ño!,
Gracias everyone!!! By the way, I agree with you guys; Salsa dancing is
all about having fun, enjoy making friends, and respect each other.
- Gerardo
Some ladies think that they are "the
last Coke in the middle of the desert" and dance just with the most
"show off" guys and dont like to dance with a "average"
dancer. Salsa, Bachata, Merengue all is just about fun, go to the dance
floor is not like you are in a contest, you dont need to be the best and
most sophisticated dancer, be yourself and be happy, and if a lady said
"no" dont ask her to dance never again, besides most people
prefer Pepsi......
- Anonymous
Well this brings up the question, is not Salsa
supposed to be a Leader and follwer dance. Where the Lady is expected
to follow the mans lead. I know it is so in ball room dancing and some
palces where they teach ball room, they ask the lady to close her eyes,
trust the leader and follow his lead. I personally know women who were
having a panic attacks when been dipped and they responded gracefully
when they obliged me by closing their eyes and I lead them into a dip
and then they say "Oh, you are such a good Lead". I don't think
I am a great dancer or leader, just that little difference in attitude
adjustment made the whole dance smooth and ENJOYABLE. Here is another
can of worms that might open up. Sometimes this urge to lead among the
Latin Women is so great that more than often I found dancing with them
turn out to be a pain than fun.....
- Anonymous
Anonymous asks: "Would any guy who
is not into salsa have it in him to ask a girl to dance if he is not sure?"
Unfortunately, yes, there are many, many guys who do ask women to dance
even though they cannot. For a very long time, I never refused anyone
a dance unless I had a legitimate reason (like I was tired), but now I
am much more inclined to say no because guys actually don't know how to
dance. I would rather sit than be miserable on the dance floor. I am not
that desperate. If salsa is supposed to be "fun", how can you
have fun when a guy is: 1. Tossing you around like a bag of potatoes.
2. Stepping on your toes. 3. Pushing you into other people. 4. Tearing
your arms out of their sockets when they spin you. 5. Looking down your
cleavage. Shall I say more? Sorry, guys, if you can't dance, don't ask.
As for the "divas", as far as I have seen, there are only a
couple of them. and we all know who they are. Why criticize the whole
bunch of us because of a couple of bad apples? Most of us either politely
say no or patiently endure any number of sins in order to not hurt the
guys' feelings, hoping that they will improve over time.
- A regular salsera
Dear Regular Salsera, you point out so many
truths. Thank you, it is very rare when I turn down the gentleman's dance
request. But, there were times I wished to quit middle of dancing or couldn't
wait for dance be over because of the reisons you listed. As far as divas
goes, you are right, we have couple of them who they are not only pretty
they dance very good too. I wish to dance like them sometimes, but then,
I feel sorry for them when I see them sitting lonely,since they only dance
with certain indiviuals. And I am right there dancing and having fun.
I wouldn't call them bad apples though, they are only too pretty to touch!:)
- Another regular salsera
LOL!!! Hey Erin! I so agree with you... when will
people just lay back, relax, have fun and don't be sooo... analyitical
about just simply having a good time? People! everytime you dance, you
are not directing a clinic on dance moves, etc...
- Laura
I agree that we should always be as courteous
as possible to one another. I also would like to add that we shouldn't
always jump to conclusions based on what we see from across the room or
hear through the grapevine. You don't always know what the situation is.
A lady can turn down a dance for any number of reasons. It doesn't mean
she's a diva. And, sometimes you need to stop during a dance so the two
of you can figure out how to get on the same page. That doesn't mean she's
trying to teach or humiliate her partner. And don't take someone else's
word in regards to someone's character. Get to know the person and decide
for yourself. For all you know, the person whispering in your ear could
just be a miserable hater who wants you to miss out on a good thing. Not
every lady sitting alone at a table, not being asked to dance is a Queen
Bitch. I know from personal experience that women who don't look or act
a certain way are often ignored or rejected. Just like the world we live
in, most club scenes (salsa, mainstream, etc...) are superficial. Also,
some men may just be intimidated by her confidence and/or dance skills.
These women end up dancing (if they get to dance at all) with the same
one or two guys or girls, because they're the only ones who aren't scared
of her. In conclusion, don't rush to classify these ladies as "Dance
Floor Divas" before you get to know them.
- Shayne
I forgot to add a few things. 1) There is
absolutely nothing wrong with being conservative. Wild and crazy doesn't
work for everybody. 2) Although a lady shouldn't be rude, or expect a
man to gravel at her feet, she has every right to expect him to be a gentleman.
3) There may be a few spoiled ladies at the clubs, but I think the guys
have it a whole heck of lot better: a) There are always more women than
men. So, men have their pick of any number of fabulous goddessess on any
given night. b)Most women pay their own way and buy their own drinks.
Although women probably wouldn't turn down an offer, most don't require
you to buy them anything. c)Most of the women are cool chicks who will
dance with anyone no matter how good or bad the lead. d)Even when you're
not dancing, you guys get free entertainment just watching the parade
of gorgeousness. Sorry guys, I think the men are the spoiled ones.
- Shayne
INtoSalsa, Indy's premier Salsa guide
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