Fe-machismo on the Dance Floor: The Dance of Egos
by Chad A. Wright
posted May. 31, 2005

I don't want this to come across as a tit-for-tat comeback to Erin's article entitled Machismo on the Dance Floor. Rather, I hope that it serves, as hers did, to create the possibility for more fun and better communication between salseros and salseras on and off the dance floor. Plus I think it is important to hear the male perspective on this issue, as males are half of the dance we all love.

First of all, I'd like to make a few comments about Erin's article on the male ego. From my perspective as a salsero, I find it annoying and dangerous when the floor is packed and a guy is doing these big moves, oblivious of everyone around him and his partner. Sometimes I have gotten caught up in the excitement of doing a cool but not so lead-able move, but I try to keep that in check. Part of how I try to do that (not that I'm perfect) is to dance to the level of who I am dancing with. If I start a move that she cannot or will not follow, I abandon the move. It's not that big a deal. Rather, we will both have more fun - and look better - if there is a good flow of communication between us. Another thing that keeps my ego in check is to enjoy the look of excitement and accomplishment on a beginner salsera's face when I lead her through some basic moves, and the passion of salsa ignites in her eyes.

Now to shift gears, from a male perspective, especially one who doesn't have a dance background, guys are often at the mercy of the female ego.

Example No. 1 Beginner's Blues

Beginners have to start off asking ladies to dance whom he knows will likely find his lead boring and awkward. He knows this because he has more than one occasion experienced the glazed look in a salsera's eyes, as if there were an internal computer judging whether or not he was worthy of dancing with her. Sometimes it doesn't happen with the asking. Worse than that, it happens thirty seconds into a three minute song. She keeps looking everywhere but at him, doing anything but following his lead, which she judges to be beneath her standards.

Example No. 2 White men can't dance

The minority of White salseros (like me) have certainly all experienced the cold look up and down by a Latina, who, after being asked to dance, asks, "Do you know how to dance?" (assuming that a White guy couldn't possibly know how).

Example No. 3 Bigger fish in the pond

Then there are those who ALWAYS set their sights on the biggest fish in the pond. A great example is a salsera who used to ask me to dance when she saw me out here in Indy. She seemed to enjoy dancing with me in the local clubs where I was a relatively sought out lead. But then I asked her to dance at a salsa congress, where I was certainly below average. She said yes, but was anywhere but dancing with me. Based on her body language and complete lack of presence, it seemed as if she couldn't wait until the song over so she could move on to bigger and better things. As a result, I choose not to dance with her again.

Example No. 4 Too good to follow

Finally, there is the issue of following. As I have learned salsa, there is one lead, and one follow. I realize it could be frustrating at times to follow someone who is giving mixed messages, or who isn't necessarily on the beat. However, just as a salsero should abandon a move that a salsera can't follow, a salsera should attempt to follow her partner regardless of his lack of rhythm or unclear lead.

There is no doubt that I have experienced a lot of genuine care from both men and women in the Indy salsa community. These negative examples, therefore, are certainly not the majority of the female dancers in the Indy salsa scene, but they do happen. We all have our moments of poor judgment and hurtfulness toward others. Hopefully, however, we can learn from them and move on. By making the best of any situation we are faced with in salsa, and simply treating others the way we'd like to be treated, we will all have more fun because we will be embracing what salsa is all about: human connection.

Reader's comments

HERE HERE CHAD!! Thanks for representing! Man, I could add a lot more since I was raised with this music in my life and have seen and DONE it all. BUT I love my salseras so much, I will stay mute and just share it if asked upon while enjoy the night out! But I am proud of yah man! Hey, be careful with that backwards move yah do! You may hurt something someday! Haha! Kidding!
- Papi J

You guys are so pathetic. If you guys can have the choice of asking hot chicks, why should a girl not have it in her to have expectation of dancing with a better dancer!
- Goddess

This stuff keeps getting better and better. Can you hold off, until I restock my popcorn?
- Maverick

Is it really that deep? Salseros if you're not good then practice and get better. Salseras same thing. We are all here for different reasons. If you just enjoy having fun then make the most of it and have fun. If you are a serious salsa addict then see sentences number 2 and 3. There has to be respect and humility on the dance floor. If you're a guy and you aren't that good of a lead then you're going to bore your partner. Only you can change that. cmon now...... fe-machismo. You gotta be the man sometimes men. Take the lead!!!
- RyanC

Chad and Erin, I read carefully at both of your articles, and there were some very good points in them, but you went way too far with a bunch of stereotypes. Latin dancing should be about HAVING FUN first, the partner skill should not matter that much as long as people are having fun. People are just people, the fact that somebody did not enjoy one dance does not mean anything. It might just be they did not like the song, they were in a bad mood, they were tired, or anything else.How many times have you admired somebody dancing and finally danced with that person to find out the leading/following skills were not that great or they were not matching your style? No offense but dancing with somebody is like anything else, you need compatibility, nothing to do with the skills or the person. The people that look the best are not always the best to dance with. Dancing with people of any levels can make you progress, you will only work on different skills. Remember that "beginners are not beginners for ever" and that they will not forget the way you treated them when they started. The crowd should not matter that much as your partner should be the person you dance for, he/she is the one that will make you look good. Making my partner smile or blush is much more rewarding than having people looking at me. But that's just my opinion. Chill out, have fun, and see you on the dance floor.
- Sylvain

On the White Men Can't Dance Example -- Whoooo hooo! You go my pearly white brother! We white folk can still rock the dance floor.
- Erin a.k.a. White Girl

Hats off to you Sylvain – well written. I think a course in “Dance Floor Manners 101” would solve most of the faults pointed out in Chad and Erin’s articles. Have a lot of people forgotten about plain ol’ good manners? Some of the acts of intentional aggressiveness that I experience cause me to leave the floor. Mistakes are forgiven – intentional hurtfulness is not tolerable. Forget your egos (salseros and salseras) and grow up!! Quit pointing at everyone else as if it’s their fault – you might be surprised to find out that it’s a mirror you’re pointing into. Stop looking at the “male” and “female” perspective and look at it from the “humanistic” perspective. Salsa is a partnership - not an individual thing. Let’s dance and have fun – that’s what I thought it was all about. Life’s too short.
- Nancy

Chad, please keep dipping girls with short dresses, we love it!
- SalsaFreak

Some guy here mentioned about his opinion "Making my partner smile or blush is much more rewarding than having people looking at me." hahahahahahaa..... may be the person does not understand that after putting up with his on-3 and on-5 dance we gals also have to put up with his stiff old poker faced, smile less Frankenstein zombie expression and be flung all over the floor like pizza dough!!!!!! There goes my dream of having fun for the night becoming my worst night mare. Yeah talk about making “my partner smile or blush”, I feel like vomiting after the sloppy attempted macho-kiss of his. Is there a way we can sue guys for sexual harassment on the dance floor like we could do at the place of work?
- Goddess

"Let’s dance and have fun" - dancing is not suppose to be fun, it is about the guys pushing the follow's skills to the limit whether she likes it or not. Come people get with the program here.
- Marques (aka flipper)

Woooo. Marques, since when has dancing not been about having fun? It is “FUN” that's why people keep coming back for more. I get your drift about pushing your follow to the limit and bringing out the best in her. I just had my best and fastest dance ever with one girl here in Vancouver, who is a Jazz and Modern dance Instructor. And I think it looked so good that many professional dancers came over and asked me “man how did you do it?”. And to those who what to know what she thinks ( a desire which was more important for me to know) she is the only one who on her own told me and keeps telling me "I like dancing with you". Best part we both are always looking into each others eyes and smiling while dancing. Here is something I wanted to share with the good and sweet ol'folks back in loveable Indy. There is an world class instructor here in vancouver who tells the ladies, “No matter how off beat your leader is, you by following him will help him re-gain control or worst case help him become better dancer by just following him and not complaining or not trying to lead him or using a mean tone. He already has a lot to think about and work on his next move, especially since most of them are still working on learning.” Then there is another thing he says, “ladies if you do not like to 'Spin' or 'Follow' you are in the wrong dance”. And I think that ONLY with constant encouragement thru words (like Erin does), the sweet feminine looks filled with love radiating from the ladies eyes and sweet smile of approval from the wonderful lady can a man evolve into a confident dancer/human-being (and it applies to every phase and aspect of life). Ladies you got to understand, it's not only in salsa but as with everything in life we men are not perfect, women are. We need you to help us become better. And when some of you behave in a mean way and shoot us down with cruel stinging words and actions it only breeds bitterness in us. Something that he as a man would possibly take out on his next partner. And then it becomes a never ending cycle and comes back to hurt. You can choose to break the spell and cycle by been considerate, forgiving and tolerant towards the imperfect souls that we men are. Help us grow and be at the receiving end of our overflowing gratitude (at least I am eternally grateful to all the girls who were kind enough to put up with my imperfections and will always be) or you know what as my mom keeps telling me “As you sow, so you reap”. Cheers and loads of luv from Beautiful Vancouver.
- Vino

I like the way how you think, and I feel the same way.
- Bilo

Wow, this is getting so exciting. First of all I would like to thank Chad for explaining us the other side of the story. By the way, Chad it is alwasy a pleasure to dance with you and I learn a lot from you. Vino, my dear, kind, loving friend what a wonderful way of looking at the whole picture. Thank you so much for making us ladies look good. Mr. Flipper, I would suggest for you to be around people like Chad and Vino and learn how to be a gentleman.
- Bensu

Vino and Bensu. I see that some readers did not catch my comment as being humorous. Dancing to the next level has it time and place. Typically it is about having a good time with any dancer at any level. Also the flip is always done with prior consent of the follow :)
- Marques (aka Flipper)